I have this lavender folder I’ve carted around since it was first handed to me on day one of outpatient treatment in 2011. It includes a stack of worksheets and handouts about sleeping better, mindful techniques and mood monitoring. There’s also a pile of daily calendars.
The month before treatment was a blur. I was sleeping constantly, drinking excessively, crying all the time and regularly avoiding people.
After describing this “lifestyle” to my counselors, I was told I needed structure. As a Type A personality with a penchant for planning every aspect of my life, I’d never been told that. But, I’d lost my way. Depression turned me into a flake and I felt like a zombie.
And now I was being told I needed to schedule every hour of my day. It sounded like a lot of work for someone who could barely shower.
Positive Events Scheduling
For the next two weeks, I was tasked with scheduling some joy in my life. That’s right. I was so depressed, I actually needed to pencil in happiness.
Positive events scheduling, the technical term for what I was being told to do, goes beyond just writing down fun activities that make you happy, like playing paddle ball at the beach or seeing “Horrible Bosses” (I’m currently referencing one of my old schedules). It is also intended to ensure you schedule events that will lead to a positive outcome, including taking medication or working out.
Planning a day or week in such detail helps you determine how much activity you can handle. For instance, overscheduling made me overwhelmed and irritable; under-scheduling left me with too much time on my hands, which led to negative thoughts.
Because I was susceptible to isolating myself, I was told to choose activities that would allow me to interact with others. I found out later this was also a way to hold me accountable; if others were relying on me, I was more apt to show up.
My counselors warned me that at first, it was unlikely I’d experience the same amount of happiness from these activities as I would have pre-depression. They were right.
But once a Type A, always a Type A. I was going to follow through until I felt some semblance of normalcy. So I got a day planner, because faded photocopies weren’t going to cut it.
Motivation and My Mood
After about 10 days, I began to feel a sense of accomplishment. This boosted my motivation and I was beginning to function at a higher level than I had in a month.
Because positive events scheduling was forcing me to be active, I felt more energetic – something I struggled with during my darkest days. With little motivation, I didn’t care about being active, which made me more lethargic, which kept me in bed longer.
It was important to accept that small steps were enough. Basic tasks like showering, eating and getting on a regular sleep schedule were big wins. As I got stronger, I was able to build the magnitude of my positive events and begin traveling again and volunteering.
I continued the positive events scheduling for about a month after leaving treatment. Eventually, my life became more structured on its own – partly because I was back at work, but also because I got better at filling my time in healthier ways. I no longer needed to write it down.
The core message has stuck with me, though: Always make sure to schedule paddle ball.
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