5 Good Things Depression Gave Me

There’s always a silver lining, right?

I Learned the Importance of Taking Care of My Health

When I reflect on similarities in the worst periods of my depression, I realize I was almost always neglecting my physical health. It took nearly a decade to figure it out, but now I’m well-versed in which behaviors will send me into a downward spiral and which will give me a fighting chance.

As we age, we all learn what our body requires and rejects, but depression and anxiety up the ante. Skimping on regular exercise and quality sleep can send me into a dark hole. Regularly eating like kids in a Totino’s Pizza Roll commercial and self-medicating with Sauvignon Blanc can leave me hanging by a thread (I’m really fun at parties, I swear).

But for years I didn’t really consider how closely connected my physical health was to my mental health. Eventually I did the math: A few poor choices significantly increased my chances for a depression recurrence. The illness helped me clearly identify the steps I need to take to feel my best.

I still slip up, of course. But unlike in the past, I can put the brakes on bad behavior a lot sooner. Like, before the pizza guy knows my order by heart.

Depression Made Me More Compassionate

I’ve always been hard on myself. Constantly striving for perfection, I’d beat myself up if something didn’t go the way I thought it was “supposed” to, or if I didn’t reach a self-imposed goal. I blamed myself, even if I could have done nothing differently.

And when it came to other people, I was equally harsh and judgmental.

Despite having two different therapists tell me to “give yourself a break,” I couldn’t. I believed the negative self-talk drove me to do better next time. In reality, it just made me depressed.

In hindsight, after years of these extreme self-expectations, a self-esteem breakdown was inevitable.

My internal critic hasn’t disappeared, but it’s much quieter now. Depression forced me to look at the many layers of a situation, not just my own view. I’m more in tune to other’s struggles because I’ve experienced a doozy of my own. We aren’t always privy to what someone is coping with privately, but I’m more apt to help now because I’ve been there. I just didn’t get it before.

It Forced Me to Think Differently

Even before I was diagnosed with depression, I was always naturally anxious and tended to assume the worst. I thought almost exclusively in black and white, and didn’t allow room for gray areas. It made understanding people and situations very difficult.

Depression led me to talk therapy, which is where I learned to break my negative thinking habits. Therapists constantly challenged my cynical, judgmental thoughts. They asked me to consider a range of possible scenarios, instead of assuming the worst one was the only one.

Frankly, I was pretty one-dimensional. Once I broke away from preconceived notions and “should” statements, I realized I could think more creatively and life didn’t feel so intimidating.

I Learned to Be OK With Imperfections

When you’ve consistently flaked on your friends, needed your sister to help you into the shower and asked your husband to take you to the ER two months after getting married, the drive to be perfect goes out the window.

Clinical depression is sobering and scary. The little things that seemed so earth-shattering before no longer consume you. A clean house is nice, but scrubbing the bathtub until your fingers are raw won’t change the course of the day. I care about my family and friends, not whether everyone I meet will like me.

Depression helped me recognize the aspects of my life that mean the most to me, perfect or not – because at one point, it felt like I was going to lose all of it.

I Found Out I’m Not Alone

Depression breeds loneliness, but remaining quiet about it only compounds the problem. By talking to family, friends and medical professionals, you’ll quickly find out you’re not the only grappling with depression or anxiety.

When one person offers their story, there’s a strong chance someone else will do the same. Once I revealed the immense pain I was in, several people in my life told me about their own experience with depression or anxiety. I assumed no one would understand, but it turns out, plenty of people did.

Depression is a serious and often debilitating illness. If no one experienced it, that would surely be the best-case scenario. But millions of us do, so it’s helpful to think there may be a few plus sides to the pain.