How I Told My Friends About My Depression

It started with James Taylor.

One weekend during the summer of 2011, my husband and I were visiting friends in the Berkshires. The topic of James Taylor came up; I think one of his songs was playing on the radio.

Eventually, the discussion switched from his musical talents to the depression treatment he received in 1965 at McLean Hospital, a renowned mental health facility outside of Boston. One friend joked that he would love to spend some time there. He opined that campuses of psychiatric hospitals always looked so peaceful.

Well, who am I to deny him the truth? I knew what the outpatient facility was like after attending a behavioral health program for two weeks.

Finally, I blurted out:
“Ok, here goes – I was at McLean this summer!”

My friend’s face dropped and his wife looked a bit shocked. I assured them that it was okay to talk about; I wasn’t embarrassed. I also confirmed the existence of a peaceful pond on the McLean campus.

Not only were they supportive (hugs and high-fives), but they were curious about what led me there in the first place and what the entire experience was like. It was my opportunity to dispel misconceptions about depression and treatment.

I explained that I had been struggling with untreated depression for sometime. I talked about how I felt hopeless and helpless because I simply didn’t know how to feel better. My visit to McLean wasn’t intended to make my depression disappear in two weeks. The program was designed to assess the root of the illness, provide structure to my day and teach me coping skills so I’d be better equipped to handle challenges in the future.

This was just how I told one set of friends.

Confessing Over Text Message

I wasn’t answering many calls or texts during the first few days at McLean. As far as anyone knew, I was at work like everyone else.

But I couldn’t keep this struggle from my closest friends forever, especially when people were asking to make plans. While I would be available (the program ended at 3pm each day), I wasn’t ready to go out into the world and be social.

So, I started answering text messages.

Texting felt safe because I could take time to think about what I wanted to say. If I was hit with a barrage of questions, I could answer when I was ready.

My friends responded with unconditional support, curiosity and empathy. I told them I would explain more when I was ready to see them.

Over time, I told different people about my depression in different ways. Some people found out from my husband (with my permission), others read it on my old blog and some got the story after talking about their struggle first.

When you’re ready to tell those in your life about your depression, it’s okay to use whatever method makes you feel safe. Some might think a discussion about depression warrants a face-to-face meeting or at least a phone call. It depends on your comfort level. Sharing this information is difficult enough so choose the communication method that will help you say exactly what you want to express.